The Changing of Times -

The Changing of Times
By
Blake Anderson

While walking into Safeway I was feeling stupid for wanting to steal this, but I had no money. I went in alone; I liked it better this way. The Dextromorphan, D.X.M., was having its effects on me, I haven’t been able to get anything out of it unless I take twenty-eight, yet I overdosed twice on 32. I walked down the soda pop isle. Looked back and forth for people, then shoved the two six packs of Bacardi Orange into my backpack. I briskly walked out of the store without looking back. Simple task done; I shoplifted sometimes 2 – 3 times a day usually for D.X.M., food, or cigarettes. The Bacardi sold by grocery stores had a measly 3.2% alcohol opposed to the 5% of the liquor store, but it was something. I walked up to my car, the blue Isuzu Trooper that will be totaled later that night.
My friend I nicknamed Big Gay Andy, for his large body size, and being a homosexual asked, “Did you get it?” “Yeah, I got it,” I replied. “Good because I want to get fucked up,” Big Gay Andy’s friend, Melissa said. I turned up the music and drove off. I didn’t like Melissa. She was one of those people that just tried to be cool by doing drugs and saying things like that. That has been one of my pet peeves for a long time. April was also sitting in the back but she was just hanging out and did not say much the entire night.
I awoke from my daze by the haunting noises of my cell phone. Whenever I was on dissassociatives my cell phone’s ring always scared me, and I was now really feeling the first of the eight-hour trip D.X.M. gave you. I didn’t recognize the number, so I was a little shaky when answering it, being in the paranoid plateau. “Yeah,” I answered as we rolled up to a stop light. “Can you come pick me and my girlfriend up from the movie theatre?” I heard my little brother talk through the phone. “Which one are you at?”
“The one by Texas Roadhouse”
“Alright, I’ll be there soon, I’m at harmony and Lemay.” “Who was that?” Big Gay Andy asked when I hung up the phone and pulled a u-turn to head south to Cinemark, I was only a few blocks away. “Bryce, he needs a ride.” “Alright,” he replied. We never talked much, and with all of us on dissassociatives, we didn’t need to talk. We were all content the way we were.
When we rolled into the parking spot at the side of Cinemark, I stepped out to smoke, while my little brother and his girlfriend walked up into the car. When I pulled out my cigarette, Andy, Melissa, and April were quick to the opportunity to smoke. We talked a little, finished our cigarettes, and jumped into the car. I had been text messaging my friend, Amanda. I had not been able to see her in a long time because of drug problems between us, and I really missed her, we went through a lot together. I saw an opportunity to see her, so I jumped to the occasion, and asked

I looked at the clock; it was six. We all started towards the alcohol. I drank three myself and let them have the rest, I never was one for alcohol, and I was getting into some of the higher plateaus of D.X.M. I turned down the music, which is the international way to say ‘I have something to say,’ and said “Hey, uhhh, Bryce’s girl do you need to be home or something or can you hang out,” for I new no one else had a curfew on a school night. “No I can stay for a while.” This little voice in the back of my car said. I acknowledged by turning the music back up. We sat, drank, talked, and smoked cigarettes for the next four hours until I felt my leg vibrating. I thought it was just the D.X.M. for it can make you feel like your veins are vibrating. It was when I saw the glowing in my leg when I realized that my phone was vibrating. I looked at it, to find I had a new text message. <Ok, im ready> Amanda had sent.

<me, big gay andy, apryl, melissa, apryl, bryce, and some chick>

I started the car, to hear a bunch of confused people in the back. I turned the music down once more, “We’re gonna go pick up Manda.” “Wait; before we got lets dump these bottles here.” Andy said from the back somewhere. I was the only one in the front seat, I had Andy, April, and Melissa behind me. Bryce and his girlfriend were tucked away in the cargo area. After the bottles were dumped, I reversed and drove to the gas station. On the way to the gas station, I passed the same old park where I had spent countless nights. I thought of the time that I sat on the roof of the dug out tripping on acid, talking about philosophy and politics with turtle. I felt so close to him that night, I wish I could feel close to someone again.
On arrival to the gas station, I noted that our friend was not working, so there was no need to go in. Amanda hopped into the passenger seat, making us an elite seven. We did our usual greetings, and then it was back to some more directionless driving. We were on College, the main street in Fort Collins, Colorado, when someone says, “hey we should get some Duster!” I thought this was a wonderful idea. “What’s Duster,” Amanda asked. “Dude Manda you’ve gotta try this, it’s so funny,” I replied to her.
“No, what is it?”
“It’s the stuff you spray in your keyboard to clean it out, well if you suck it in, it has the opposite effects of Helium, it makes your voice sound low!”
“Huffing? Gross Blake, I didn’t know you were that low.”
“No, it’s not to get high, just to make your voice sound awesome.”
I pulled the car into the Office Max, in the shopping mall just off of Drake and College. “I don’t want to steal from here, let’s just go to Safeway, King Soopers, Office Depot,” I said. I didn’t like stealing from new places. I was an avid stealer, and having done it two to three times a day for six months and only getting caught twice, I wasn’t about to go into a place blind. “Don’t worry, I’ll just go,” Big Gay Andy Reassured me, “Anyone else want to come?” A few people said yes. They all got out, were gone a few minutes, and came back just fine.
They had two packages of two. We unattached them, and sucked it in. We then mindlessly talked with the ‘Devil Voice.’ I pulled the car out of the parking space and got back onto the road. When we pulled right, we hit a stop light and stopped. When it turned green, I had one of the four bottles. As we were going, I was breathing the duster in. I was taking a lot of it, normally just a second of it will let you make the Voice, but I was taking all my breath in. As I breathed out, we passed the intersection. We were moving left into the median. I had no use of my arms anymore; I could not turn away from the median. Blankets of blackness were coming over my eyes in all directions. The world was then a tiny dot in the center of my vision, with blackness covering all of everything else. Then, nothing.
I started comprehending my surroundings possibly twenty minutes later. I was sitting on a curb. I could see an ambulance. Then I saw my car, mangled almost beyond recognition, on the other side of the street, facing the opposite direction we were facing. I looked over at Big Gay Andy, he was sitting about fifteen feet away from me. “What happened?” I yelled to him. He looked around as he does when we steal things, and said, “I don’t know!” That is when I saw the police, now I know why he was looking around. The ambulance was loading someone up as a police officer walked up to me.
“Are you Blake?” he asked
“Yes”
“Have you been drinking tonight Blake?”
“I had like two wine coolers 4 hours ago”
“Have you done any drugs tonight”
”Duster and D.X.M.”
“I want you to look at the tip of this pen, now follow it to the left, ok, now the right. Ok the left one more time. Could you please walk this line for me, one foot in front of the other?”
I walked the line, I did not seem to have too much trouble, but my legs were still numb feeling and harder to move than normally when I am drugs.
“Okay, now, on your right hand touch your fingers with your thumb and on your left touch your nose with your index finger.”
I did so with ease.
“Will you place your hands over your head?”
I did so.
“Okay put one hand behind your back” when I did this he put a cold handcuff around my wrist. “Now the other hand.” He put the other cuff on. He opened his car door, “Watch your head,” he said as I got into the car, but I couldn’t acknowledge for my mind was so lost searching for what had just happened to me. “Your parents are going to meet us at the hospital, where you’ll be checked out, and then we’ll figure out your court date.” The officer said. However, as we were pulling out I noticed that my old best friends from my straight edge days where there. This baffled me, so much that all the way to the hospital I thought of how much I wished I still hung out with them. Once arrived at the hospital the officer took off my handcuffs, and we went in to see my parents. While walking through the waiting room with the officer, I noticed some other of my good friends, and my ex girlfriend, Angie, talking in the lobby. This was such a surprise to me, I had not seen any of them for months, but I thought about them everyday, and now they were here when I was in need most. I was checked out by the physician and told I can leave this white walled prison. I have always hated places like hospitals ever since I stayed in a ‘Mental Institution’ twice.
I saw Jaime, a cute girl, 2 years my senior, with the coolest personality of anyone I have met. I hadn’t seen her for almost a year. Through her sobs she sputtered, “Blake, I have been missing you for so long, then tonight when I saw you being handcuffed and put into the cop car, it just tore me up. I knew the path you have been going on, and I know you have all of these problems, but I feel like I have failed you. I just wanted to help.” At this point I was so filled with grief and overjoyed, that I did not know what to say. Therefore, I just said, “come here,” and hugged her, a nice long good hug. It felt so good. I hadn’t hugged a girl since my breakup with Angie. I had a crush on Jaime for a long time, it was mutual at points, but I was too much of a basket case, so it couldn’t last. Jaime and I finished talking because she had to leave. That is when I saw Angie, she saw me, and she made sure I saw her then looked away. I walked outside the hospital. One way to ruin a perfectly good moment is to have someone that hurt you so much, throw that one last glare, last ‘yes I’m here and it’s not for you.” I sat thinking outside when the most wonderful person on the planet came to talk to me. Brandon Stallings, my best friend since eighth grade. He came and gave me reassurance, made me feel ok. I was exhausted, ready to go home and sleep my problems away. When I arrived at home, I quickly added an entry to my Dead journal. Then fell asleep into the bliss of unreality.

One year later, I am a 17-year-old college student diagnosed with major depressive, Mood Disorder N.O.S., and Poly Substance Dependency (drug addiction). I am fresh out of a Residential Treatment Center, on Probation, unable to get a job, or a license. If it weren’t for the car accident, I would have never missed the hole I was spiraling into have. I’m so glad got tossed aside this big black hole when I did, because if I hadn’t, I can’t imagine how bad I would be considering what I am now.

Epilogue
When I passed out in the car, I guess I fell over into Amanda’s lap. My foot fell on the gas. She saw where we were going and grabbed the wheel hoping to keep the car from going into oncoming traffic; she was too late. The car slammed dead center into a light pole. This was not any ordinary light pole; this was one with two lights on top, so it was thicker at the bottom. We took that clean off, now rushing into oncoming traffic we hit a little Honda straight on, giving the uninsured, unlicensed driver a leg injury that required surgery. From there we spun and hit a tree where the car was finally stopped. I was helped out of the car, and although I was conscious, my brain was momentarily turned off. Amanda ran off to a gas station. She was bleeding from her ears. She told my friends at the gas station what happened and where we were. After court, I went to a maximum-security prison named Platte Valley Youth Services Center or P.V.Y.S.C. Some of the worst experiences I have had came from there. I could not control my frustration so much that I punched my wall in my cell until they grew big blue and purple squishy lumps. I admitted guilty to Vehicular Assault and a DWI, Driving While Intoxicated. I spent 2 months in Platte, went to three court dates while there, and was sent to Heritage Schools in Provo, Utah. I was honorably discharged from that program. My therapist and mother thought it would be a better idea if I did not go to a mainstream high school. Now I am doing Dual Enrollment, but going to only U.V.S.C. I still struggle with my Drug Addiction, and my behavioral problems. However, life is much better now that I am away from where I was. At times I do miss it, but I could not put my family through it again, which is sometimes the only thing stopping me.

Since moving away from all my friends, I have seen them once when I went back to Colorado for court. I have contact with them everyday through the internet.
Amanda: Was doing ok, has gone into smoking pot everyday, and drinking.
Big Gay Andy: Just stayed the way he was.
Jaime: is doing great. She is going to school at Front Range.
Brandon: is also doing great, he is struggling with his nicotine addiction, and is smoking pot and drinking regularly.
Since I have lost touch with most of them. Its unmistakable how much everyone’s lives turned around when I was taken away from them.
I have moved on to smoking pot everyday and hallucinogenic drugs, again. My life is a vicious cycle.